Marriage, Death & Alcohol

Heard news of a friend who've just gotten married.

Heard news of a friend who've just passed away. 

Two very different news. Two very shocking news. 

We were all in the same year back in high school but were never classmates. Either way, the news about both friends tugged at me. Suddenly, all my problems seemed insignificant. Death does that. It makes people stop. Look. Contemplate. Maybe this is a wake up call. Telling me that there are matters and people which are bigger and more important than my own agendas. 

Why do bad things happen to good people? 

I don't know. 

We may not be able to change our circumstances but we are able to change our heart. 

God, you are good. Despite our circumstances, you are good. Teach us to celebrate and appreciate the little things. We may not be able to see the big picture right now, but teach us to be patient. I pray for comfort and peace during the hard times and for a heart of thanksgiving during the good times. You are a God who gives and takes away but you will forever remain faithful. Let your will be done. Amen.

Rest in peace J. 

~ it's been a testing week ~

Stop Feeding The Snake, Idiot.

There was a couple living out in the sticks whom kept a baby python as a pet. The python was kept in the laundry room and they would feed and care for it. As it grew older, the python began to behave strangely. Instead of sleeping in the laundry room, it would slither into the couple's bedroom and lie next to them on the bed. Worried about the change in behave, they took their pet to see a vet. As the owner told the vet about the change in the python's behave, the vet warned the couple to get rid of the python. 

Why?

Because the python was measure itself to see whether it was big enough to eat them.  

Chris Willis shared this story during Easter Camp earlier this year. Scary isn't? How we sometimes feed the very thing that will kill us. Be it our addiction, disappointment, anger, unforgiveness, if we continue feeding them, we will definitely die. Or in this case, get eaten alive. 

Moral of the story - stop feeding the snake, idiot. 

~ God is good, despite my circumstances, God is good ~

Soul Punk

Didn't win the video contest, so as a consolation, I bought myself a copy of Patrick Stump's debut solo album "Soul Punk". What I love about this album is that it is Patrick's true expression of the kind of music that he loves; RnB and hip-hop. Most people will know him as a "rock guy" but this album doesn't sound anything like FOB. So even though you may be a FOB fan, you may not necessarily like Soul Punk. Compared to all the party music that are slowly killing our brain cells ("Sexy & I know it" is a terrible song. No, it's not even worthy to be called music. Bottom line - it's terrible), Soul Punk is a refreshing breath of new life. Funky guitars, big drums and a healthy dose of synth plus Patrick's killer vocals makes for an awesome album. Daring and bold, Soul Punk is definitely something worth listening to.

Glad that he's finally able to make the kind of music he loves. Looking forward to one day watching him live.


~ work's gonna be more fun listening to Soul Punk ~

Stage 2: Cowboy

The Cowboy Stage - It is the time of learning the lessons of the field, a time of a great adventures and testing, and also a time for hard work. A time of daring and danger, a time of learning that he does, indeed, have what it takes (John Eldredge, pp. 12).

I grew up living, if I may say so,  a rather sheltered life. As a kid, I was never allow to ride a bike, enter a cyber cafe, drive a car or walk cross the street to the shopping mall beside my house. I spent most of my days indoors playing video-games and watching cartoons. This went on till I was 17th. That's half of my teenage years spent glued to a television set. As fun as role-playing games are, boys would always have a longing for a real-life adventure. 

I think that's why I really enjoy my time aboard in Melbourne. I bought a bike, spent 8 hours straight in a cyber cafe, and walked where ever my two legs could carry me. Much to mum's disapproval but I was a free man. Finally able to experience the things that I've missed out on as a teenager. It was also the perfect chance for me to test my limits and learn that I have what it takes -

To walk 50km, to cycle 100km. 

"The Cowboy heart is wounded when he repeatedly fails or when there isn't anyone there to interpret his failures and help him get back on the horse." (John Eldredge shares about the time his son fell off a horse, pp. 104).

I've failed many times as a child (still do) and mum has always been there to interpret my failures. But mum never once helped me back up on the horse. She was afraid that I would hurt myself again. A sound argument but what if I wanted to get back on the horse? What if I wanted to try again? Fall as many times as I want? Cause I believe that I have what it takes. And because of that, the cowboy in me had been caged up for most of my teenage years. Now, I'm just running amok all over the place.

So what am I trying to get at from telling you all this?  

I've had a few disappointments this past month. Disappointments that tells me "I'm not good enough", "I don't have what it takes". I wish I was stronger. More confident, articulated, certain of what I want to pursue and where God is calling me. As much as I tired to enjoy the course that I'm studying, I may have been fooling myself. Who am I kidding? I don't get excited over writing essays and reading about satellites and determining centroids. I get exciting when I film videos and when I think about the next big project or video idea.

And I've been struggling with this over & over again. 

Maybe it's my fault for not voicing out my discontentment sooner. Maybe it's my fault for be afraid, uncertain, and judgemental. The reason I'm afraid is because I've always been seeking adventures and trying out different things. But mum had other plans. She wanted and still wants me to live out the life that she's planned for me since forever. When mum was in Melbourne a few months back, I found it hard communicating with her. Even though I wanted to oppose or voice my discontentment, I couldn't. Cause in my mind, I had already reached the conclusion, "Doesn't matter what I say, she wouldn't agreed anyway." So I kept quiet, smiled and nod my head politely.

And I've been doing that for most of my life.

Selfish and ungrateful - I wish that my parents were more supportive. I wish that they would stop treating me like a child. I wish that my parents would teach me to believe in myself and dream big. But even so, there is truth in what they say. "Film's not going to earn you money". "You could always do it as a hobby". 

Why must it be so hard?

God, what is it that I should do? I'm lost. I need clarity. Whether film is really for me or if I'm just believing in a fleeting dream. Close the door, break my camera if you will. I've been stuck in this ditch for far too long. I need help. Teach me to believe. Teach me to love. Teach me to hope. 

~ Stage 4: Lover ~

FML! We're Winning!

A little late to be posting this but here goes. Flare Dance 2011 was fun. Despite all of the time and energy that was poured out and how spent I was after everything was over, I had fun. 

Was re-reading my post about flare last year and I'm glad to say I've achieved what I've set out to do. To journey and foster closer relationships with the people in flare. Even though if was just within the circle of friends in the breakdancing piece, even if it was just for a semester, I've grown to love and appreciate each one of them. Thanks for making this year's flare experience much more meaningful.

To end, here's a couple of videos that I've put together. I reckon it pretty much sums up my entire flare experience this year. Whether I'll continue on next year is still up in the air. Will see how things goes. Either way, I don't plan to stop dancing any time soon.

Thank you video which we put together for our awesome choreographer and friend.

From now on, FML will always be a positive quote to me. We will face challenges and FML moments in life but we should always remember to be positive and continue holding onto hope. Thanks for reminding us, Kai.

May our dance inspire you and hopefully brighten up your day!


~ FunkMaLife ~

Chapter 4: It's Gonna Get Better

Been almost a month since I made the decision to stop pursuing. It sucks being driven by emotions. When you're down, suddenly there's no motivation or excitement in the things you do and everything seems(becomes) dull. As occupied as I should have been with exams, assignments, flare production, job applications and video editing, the thought was always at the back of my mind.

As always, God's telling me the same thing over and over again - "I'm all you need".

But what if I want more?
What if I'm not satisfied with what I have?
Am I being greedy? Ungrateful?

The 40 days trail period started off well but came to a standstill right after that day. How discouraging. Nevertheless, I've definitely gained(lost?) something from these 40 days. No, I've definitely gained something from this whole experience. Whether for better or worst, time will tell.

I'm sad. But that's ok, right? Things can only get better.

It always does.


~ that's it for The October Issue #3 ~