Little Hope

I've been putting this post off because I didn't want to get my hopes up. 

Well then, time to test my faith. 

For those who've been journeying closely with me would know that I've been working on a final year project proposal. My initial proposal was regarding visual development. The aim of the project, without getting too technical, is to help viewers visualise how a land or building will look like before it is completely developed. Interesting topic, but not something that really fascinated me.

After further research, I realised that I actually have an interest in sustainable development. Sustainable development is "development that meets the needs of the present without compromising the ability of future generations to meet their own needs". As quoted from my lecture notes. Armed with this sudden spark of enthusiasm, I decided to email my lecturer who specialises in this field. Without giving it too much thought, I emailed her and included this little snippet:

"I have an interest in video-making. Therefore, I was wondering if it is possible for my end product to be a video product which focus on raising awareness about sustainable development."

Met up with her the next day, introduced myself and the first thing she said was...

"Ah! Movie-maker." 

The discussion that followed, as I soon realised, was something that I desperately needed. In the midst of all the brain-storming, note-scribbling and trouble-shooting, there was this sense of hope, courage and delight that began to bubble up. Never before have I had such an encouraging conversation with another person besides my dear friends. What more with a lecturer whom I hardly pay attention to during class (sorry). If it wasn't for pride, I would have probably broke down in tears right there and then. 

Four years is a long time to do something. Even longer if it's something that doesn't bring you joy. But with this project, things are starting to look hopeful. On the contrary, this project might be the death of me. Firstly, because this is something that no one has every done before. Secondly, I'll be doing more work compared to everyone else. Thirdly, I'm not sure how I'm going to execute it. And fourthly, I may fail miserably. See what I meant by not wanting to get my hopes up?  

This year may be the most pivotal one yet. If this project takes off, I believe that something "good" will come out of it. How this "good" will look like, I'm not sure but I'm not worry about it either. Right now, I'll just need to focus on what I can do and work towards it. With faith and confidence in a God who is big enough.

God, for so long I've been dwelling on my doubts and bitterness. But today, I choose to surrender them to you. Break the chains that bind me and bring healing once again into this heart that has just gone cold. Give me the courage to believe and put my trust in you. My problems are never too big for you Lord. And I thank you for that. I pray the same prayer for my friends too. That you will meet them at which ever point in life they're at and speak love, faith and hope into their very being. So let it be. Amen~     

Alright! Time to write up that proposal. 

~ are you working on your faith muscles? ~

Stage 1: Beloved Son

When did I begin to doubt? That the God whom created the heavens and the earth, the very same God whom sent His son to die for our sins, doesn't love me. Really? Do you believe that a kind, loving and engaging God doesn't love you? 

Short answer - yes.

In case you were wondering what "Stage 1" refers to, please refer to my previous post here. Yes, Stage 1 is meant to be Boyhood. I just thought that Beloved Son would be more appropriate in this context. Now that we've got that sorted, the long answer...

I'm not happy with the way things are right now. With uni, relationships and myself. But it doesn't seem as though God's gonna fix any of that anytime soon. Or rather I can't bring myself to believe that God will. Maybe he has more important matters to attend to. Maybe I ought to work this out on my own. Whatever the reason, my experiences have shaped my mindset to believe that I'm alone.

Many of us call God, Father, but how many of us are truly being Fathered?

"The hardest, gladdest thing in the world is to cry Father! from a full heart... the refusal to look up to God as our father is the one central wrong in the whole human affair; the inability, the one central misery." (The Way of the Wild Heart, pg. 25)

The one central misery. That's deep. Though I can't deny that's what I'm feeling right now. Ever so slightly. It surprised me when Aun pointed out my negativity. Before I realised, I've become the very thing I despised. Negative. And I apologise. For being cold and unfriendly. I really am sorry. Turns out, talking to someone was just the boost I needed. Thanks man.

I think I need to know for myself deep down inside and come to a point where I  am able to believe whole-heartedly that God does indeed love me. That I am His beloved son. It will take awhile and it will be a pain-staking journey but don't let me switch off.

~ restore my heart again, i refuse to go numb ~

Switch Off

It's only week 3 but things have been a little overwhelming. I've got job applications to submit and a final year project proposal to work on. The worst part is, both of them needs to be done urgently. And here I am. Blogging. With zero motivation of doing any work. Ever. Again. 

Right now, I wish I could just switch off.

Forget about the worries. Forget about uncertainties.

And just rest....







Alas, 'tis impossible.

Life goes on.

And that's a good thing, right?


~ In need of a boost ~

Sh*tuff People Say About Careers Fair

Shot this for a video competition. We were meant to create a video that highlight the benefits of going to the careers fair and encourage students to attend their respective fairs. What do you guys think? 

Vote for me by "liking" my video here.

~ I love freebies ~

WONGFU 4 LYFE!!

In case you missed out, Wong Fu Productions were in Melbourne last weekend during their Australia Tour. Unfortunately, Ted couldn't make it but Phil and Wes did great holding their own keeping 800+ fans entertained with their charm and wit. It was great having the boys in town and hearing first-hand from them about their stories, inspirations and how it all started. 

More inside interviews from their tour can be found here.

Other than that, we had the privilege of watching a couple of their new videos which aren't online yet. So in a sense, we spent two hours watching Youtube together with Wong Fu. Good times. The Q&A session was really insightful too. When they first started out, they struggled to make a living cause they "had to eat". Thus, they picked up odd jobs from filming weddings to interviewing drunk people in clubs. But with the start of their online store (areyouaniceguy.com), they were finally able to financially support themselves.

Although this may not seem like a big deal to us, it touches me to see how genuinely grateful they are to the fans whom have supported them by buying they products. That's huge! After all, we are directly investing into their dreams (and providing them with food on the table). They have definitely been an inspiration to me and it was a privilege to be able to meet them. Well, at least 2/3 of them.

Together with Phil & Wes.

Looking forward to meeting them again. Hopefully somewhere quieter, brighter... without a bouncer and over coffee. Who knows, maybe I'll be starting out then.


~ thanks to ann & charles for a great night out ~