More Fighting

Easter Camp 2012

Right now I'm sitting between giving up and fighting on. This is getting pretty tiring. All this hoping for something better, stewarding what I have been given, walking this journey of faith. Oh, how nice it would be if I could just drop everything and curl up in my bed forever. Ok... I may be developing issues.

Thank God for friends. I think that's the only thing that's keeping me sane at this very moment. Even though I feel like giving up, being around them gives me hope. Even for a little while. After all, how can I be so selfish to give up on myself when they haven't given up on me yet? If anything, these people are the audible voice of God speaking love, faith and hope into this shrivelled shell of a human being. And I'm really thankful for them.

On the spiritual side of things, it hasn't been super fly. I'm trying to figure out whether God is being quiet or if I'm just not listening or refusing to listen for that matter. Maybe trust is a better word. I may be able to heard God's voice, have clarity and understanding, but without trust and faith, what good is all that? Must I really continue being this "faithful steward" for another year? Seriously. I'm about to collapse here. 

Ha.....

Today's a new day. Let my hope be renewed. 

~ fighting to feel alive again ~

Stuck in Between

Right now I'm sitting between the ledge of contentment and hoping for more. Should I be content with what I have now? Or should I reach out for the things I want? Should I be happy with just friendship? Or am I looking for something much deeper? Should I steward my current education to the best of my abilities? Or should I chase my dreams and see how far I'll go?

Leon made a very good observation today. This was regarding my predicament of studying Geomatics because it was the only available option at that time. I'm power-phrasing here, but it went something like this:

"Maybe God opened that door for you so that you would be able to do what you're passionate about. If you were to take architecture or engineering, you might not have had the chance/time to meet up with friends and do the things you like." 

I didn't want to admit it but I think it's true. Even though I wasn't enjoying the course over the past 3 years, it has definitely given me the time to try new things, discover my passions and enjoy the company of friends. In the midst of all my whining and self-centeredness, I've failed to see the goodness that God had created out of this. Today, I lay down my pride. Thanks, Leon.

For this Easter, show me what it means to live in the promises of God. Also to bring about resurrection in the areas of my life that have been dead for so long, even the areas that I didn't know about. Revive my heart again and again. Right now there isn't much I can do but have patience and trust in God. Easier said than done but a lot can happen over a span of three days. And I trust that the presence of God will be overflowing this Easter. So let it be. Amen~ 

~ Happy Easter friends! ~

My Signature Themes

Just did my Strengths Finder assessment and the results were quite amusing. Let's take a look:

Individualisation

People who are especially talented in the Individualisation theme are intrigued with the unique qualities of each person. They have a gift for figuring out how people who are different can work together productively.

Harmony

People who are especially talented in the Harmony theme look for consensus. They don't enjoy conflict; rather, they seek areas of agreement.

Developer

People who are especially talented in the Developer theme recognise and cultivate the potential in others. They spot the signs of each small improvement and derive satisfaction from these improvements.

Empathy

People who are especially talented in the Empathy theme can sense the feelings of other people by imagining themselves in others' lives or others' situations.

Responsibility

People who are especially talented in the Responsibility theme take psychological ownership of what they say they will do. They are committed to stable values such as honesty and loyalty.

Harmony and responsibility I can agree upon but empathy? Really? Yes, I am clueless when it comes to "sensing the feelings of other people". Or maybe I'm just pretending to be so that people won't be suspicious of me. Ha-ha! Individualisation and Developer were unexpected but they are themes which I am able to resonate with. Interesting - I didn't think I was the relationship building sorta person. 

What I've written above are just the brief descriptions of each theme. Upon completion, the assessment will generate your own personal signature theme report, insight report and an action-planning guide. Whether they are accurate representations of my strengths or not, it has given insight into the type of person I think I am or hope to be. For those who are interested in finding out more about this assessment, check out the Strengths Quest website. Btw, it's NOT free.

~ what are or what do you think your strengths are? ~