One Step at a Time

And we're one week into the 40 day fast. Hmm it really isn't a fast but more of a 40-day-trial-period-of-building-disciplines-that-will-hopefully-be-carried-over-after-the-40-days. Yea, let's call it that. Can't say I've been diligently doing my devotions but 6 out of 8 days is decent (just sayin' to make myself feel better). There're so many things that I hope for and the feeling of wanting all of them makes me feel greedy. I want breakthroughs, salvation, discipline and direction. Is that too much to ask for? 

Matthew 6:33 (NIV)

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 

I love catching up with friends over coffee. It's nice. As simple an adjective 'nice' is, that's what it is - nice. I reckon everyone yearns for honest conversations & these "coffee-sessions" is sorta my way of having just that. Blessed and grateful to be able to do so. 

Feeling fidgety and excited but at the same time uncertain and dreadful. I should learn to focus on one thing at a time. Ok, I'm way over my 30 minutes cap. Think blogging time should be exempted as well. We shall chat soon. 

~ anticipating ~

This City

~ can't wait for Soulpunk! ~

40 Day Trial Period

Looks like things are finally falling into place. Deadlines have been etched, errands have been ran and goals have been set. Now comes the fun part. Execution. 

The 40 day fast starts tmr. Two things that I'll be doing: i) daily devotion on the books of Tim ii) 30 minutes of internet usage daily (minus uni/work related requirements). 

Reading the bible is a discipline which I'm lacking, so this will definitely do me some good. The internet is my greatest source of distraction. Putting a cap on how much time I spend on facebook, twitter, youtube, etc. will help me to focus and create space for more productive and meaningful work.  Hopefully by the end of it, I'll be able to carry these disciplines along with me beyond the 40 days. 

Was talking to abi last night about our relationship with God. And it saddens me how I always revert back to feeling so undeserving of God. Always feeling like I'm never good enough. I wish I had everything together - awesome prayer life, clear direction in life and even having the strength to solve all my problems on my own. 

"Well if you could do that, you wouldn't need God would you?"

Chew on that for a bit.

Yes, we are undeserving of God's love but it's given to us, FOR FREE! After all, "tt's the message of grace what, it can't be earned". I know all of this but I guess it's time for it to sink from here to here *gesture from head to heart*.

God I thank you for your love and grace. We are so broken and undeserving yet you redeem us. Teach me God to trust you whole-heartedly, to love you more than my desires and my brothers and sisters. I pray for discipline during these 40 days, that I'll be led and driven by the spirit. Teach me once again to engage, embrace and empower as I journey together with my friends. I surrender my fears and uncertainties to you. I know you're here with me. Light the way. Amen.

~  exciting times are here ~

Stage 4: Lover

Currently reading The Way of the Wild Heart. This is a book about how boy - and a man - becomes a man. The author brings forth the idea of 6 different stages a man goes through during a masculine journey. 

Boyhood to Cowboy to Warrior to Lover to King to Sage.

John emphasizes again and again that each stage cannot be pin to an exact age. 

"They overlap, and there are aspects of each stage in every other." (John Eldredge 2006, pg. 11)

"Now, let me say again that these stages are all present to some degree at any period in a man's life, and they all come together to make a man whole and holy man." (John Eldredge 2006, pg. 14)

But for today, let's talk about stage 4: Lover.

Two sentences which struck a chord with me. Lemme break it down and discuss both quotes separately.

"A Lover comes to offer his strength to a woman, not to get it from her." (John Eldredge 2006, pg. 13)

I always thought that I would be able to find strength in a woman. That having a woman would give me a reason to fight - a drive, a mission. So you can see how this quote totally goes against what I believe in. But surely a woman would prefer a man, a warrior with a clear mission, a guy "who've got it together" ie. not me. Surely, no woman would want to be with a man struggling to "get his life together", to share his burdens and put up with his uncertainties. If she did, sorry but I think you're a fool.

(What do the sisters in the house think? Drop me a comment or let me know personally!)

And because of that, I'm always struggling with the thought of never being good enough. As ready as I think I may be, it's never good enough. Hopefully I'll find more clarity once I've read through the book. A little confidence would help too.

Moving on.

"Service for God is overshadowed by intimacy with God." (John Eldredge 2006, pg. 13)

So the time of the lover is not foremost about the woman. It's also about loving God. Notice how each post is connected to one another? God's speaking but sometimes I'm just so lazy and distracted. Anyways - Service vs Intimacy. Simple to grasp, hard to do. As we all know God wants a relationship with us. To father us, to take our spiritual journey to a whole new level. And for that, we need to love God, just because.    

The 40 day fast starts next week. This time around we're focusing more on building strong disciplines that would (hopefully) last over the 40 day period. The last 40 day fast brought about lots of breakthroughs. Really excited to see what's gonna happen this time. 

Gonna be great doing this together with the community! 

~ lots of thoughts about the future. hmmm. ~

Love God

Alrighty! I think my thoughts have finally been processed (after 2 long months). Let's see how I well I can articulate this. So things have been dry, spiritually. I've been waiting and waiting for God to speak, move, do something. But it's been quiet, stagnant, empty. Till yesterday - when I had a chat with Mel. 

"Love God."

As simple as it was, it was all that I needed to hear. I don't love God enough. Oh if only loving God was as easy as loving beautiful songs and fast food takeouts. Why is it so hard? Maybe I'm distracted or just downright lazy. I think I'm both. God wants a relationship with us and yes, that means investing time, words, and energy. Unfortunately, God and I don't have a low maintenance relationship. Ahh if only. There I go again, being lazy.

Matthew 6:33-34 (NIV)

33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

I AM SO DISTRACTED. Yes, like typing in caps lock - it's distracting, but it does drive the point home. I digress. See? Distracted. Why am I distracted? Honestly, I very well know the answer(s) to this question. Guess that's something to consider during the 40 day fast. Just two more weeks to go folks!

For now this quiet is ok, yea? 

Be still. Seek God. Love God. 

~ thank you mel! ~

Fanboying... yes it's a word.

I've been listening to Karmin everyday for the past week.

They are good. Nuff said.

And who knew Sara Bareilles would have such an awesome stage presence. Always thought that she would be a sweet, soft-spoken lady. Guess not. Super cool and fun band too.

~ feel like recording something nyaaa ~