Before you know it, a year has gone by. So much has happened over these past couple of months it's hard to believe that 2009 is coming to an end. And pretty quickly too.
This year has been a year of discovering for me. I've been trying to put the pieces together. Trying to understand who I really was and maybe find my "identity". That's why I challenged myself to face myself. To be more open and to be more honest towards my own feelings.
I've also been trying to understand this relationship I have with a God and how that fits in with where I am right now. It's hard enough trying to understand relationships between family and friends. But put God into the picture, it's like opening up a whole new can of worms.
So, how I am going with all of that?
Firstly, I'm no longer worry about trying to find my identity. Worrying about the kind of people I should associate with, my hairstyle, my taste in music and whether certain things makes me feel sad or happy. Instead, I think I've learnt to love myself.
To accept my flaws.
To forgive my shortcomings.
To respect my life.
To love myself.
As disturbing as it sounds, that was the only way I was able to put it into words. Behaviour may change. So will appearance and even beliefs. And what I'm left with is character. Character drives ones behaviour which in turn affects appearance. Beliefs are then portray through one's character. People may have weird behaviours, strange appearances and different beliefs but it's his/her character that define who they really are.
That's just my opinion but I guess "figuring out who I really am" is no longer an issue to me. Character is who I am. Character is my identity. And if that changes, let's hope that it's for the best. Therefore, I will protect my character.
May I be strong.
I may not have been open and honest with those around me but I definitely learnt to be more open and honest with myself. "May my openess and honesty expand beyond this blog," is what I would like to say, but I don't think I'm ready just yet. Guess I should take it one step at a time.
Baby steps. Baby steps.
I've yet to come close to understanding God, seeing the big picture, feeling the holy spirit and all that, but I think I learnt to trust in Him more. To not beat myself up so much because of sin. Having the faith to believe in something/someone intangible and even learning to let go of something important that I'm sooo grateful for. Ahhhh, God. You're really something aren't you?
Continue watching over me.
Finally. The million dollar question. Have I grown at all this year?
"Just a little," I guess.
Spiritual, mentally, emotionally and even physically.
Just a little.
Some questions have been answered. Some I reckon will never be. But it's all part of this journey of faith. Like I said, it's been a year of discovering not discovery. But I'm having fun.
The future of this blog? Well I haven't actually put much thought into it but I'm thinking.....blue. Who knows? We're just gonna have to wait and find out!
Thank you, to all of you who've shared this journey with me. Your presence has definitely made a difference in my life. For better or for worse, I'll leave that for you to decide. It's been a great year. You've been a great audience. Goodbye friends! Goodbye strangers! Goodbye stalkers! I wish you all well.
Tata! =)
~ .....for now ~
This year has been a year of discovering for me. I've been trying to put the pieces together. Trying to understand who I really was and maybe find my "identity". That's why I challenged myself to face myself. To be more open and to be more honest towards my own feelings.
I've also been trying to understand this relationship I have with a God and how that fits in with where I am right now. It's hard enough trying to understand relationships between family and friends. But put God into the picture, it's like opening up a whole new can of worms.
So, how I am going with all of that?
Firstly, I'm no longer worry about trying to find my identity. Worrying about the kind of people I should associate with, my hairstyle, my taste in music and whether certain things makes me feel sad or happy. Instead, I think I've learnt to love myself.
To accept my flaws.
To forgive my shortcomings.
To respect my life.
To love myself.
As disturbing as it sounds, that was the only way I was able to put it into words. Behaviour may change. So will appearance and even beliefs. And what I'm left with is character. Character drives ones behaviour which in turn affects appearance. Beliefs are then portray through one's character. People may have weird behaviours, strange appearances and different beliefs but it's his/her character that define who they really are.
That's just my opinion but I guess "figuring out who I really am" is no longer an issue to me. Character is who I am. Character is my identity. And if that changes, let's hope that it's for the best. Therefore, I will protect my character.
May I be strong.
I may not have been open and honest with those around me but I definitely learnt to be more open and honest with myself. "May my openess and honesty expand beyond this blog," is what I would like to say, but I don't think I'm ready just yet. Guess I should take it one step at a time.
Baby steps. Baby steps.
I've yet to come close to understanding God, seeing the big picture, feeling the holy spirit and all that, but I think I learnt to trust in Him more. To not beat myself up so much because of sin. Having the faith to believe in something/someone intangible and even learning to let go of something important that I'm sooo grateful for. Ahhhh, God. You're really something aren't you?
Continue watching over me.
Finally. The million dollar question. Have I grown at all this year?
"Just a little," I guess.
Spiritual, mentally, emotionally and even physically.
Just a little.
Some questions have been answered. Some I reckon will never be. But it's all part of this journey of faith. Like I said, it's been a year of discovering not discovery. But I'm having fun.
The future of this blog? Well I haven't actually put much thought into it but I'm thinking.....blue. Who knows? We're just gonna have to wait and find out!
Thank you, to all of you who've shared this journey with me. Your presence has definitely made a difference in my life. For better or for worse, I'll leave that for you to decide. It's been a great year. You've been a great audience. Goodbye friends! Goodbye strangers! Goodbye stalkers! I wish you all well.
Tata! =)
~ .....for now ~
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