The Price of Freedom

With the 'holidays' here, I think I finally have the head space to just sit down and blog about the things that's been bogging me. I've been trying to do this for the past couple of weeks to no valid. But with no more schoolwork pestering me, I think I can do this.

I always have to remind myself what the purpose of this blog is:

This blog was created with the purpose of sharing my life's journey, to document my 'profound-moments' and as a place for me to express my interests and thoughts openly and truthfully. May this blog be one which marks my pursuit of my true self.

BUT

it's more than that.

I am the type of person who tends to keep his thoughts to himself. That is why I challenged myself this year to be more expressive, more honest and at the same time doing so with integrity. As I learn to share openly, I have discovered more about myself. Those thoughts and emotions which I am unable to describe in the heat of the moment, later materializes into coherent words in this digital space.

Truth to be told.

Lately, I haven't been honest with myself. I've been waving away thoughts and issues that's been coming up over and over again. Dismissing them as insignificant with the excuse of, "Oh, I can deal with it later." when the truth is, I'm afraid to face it.

Afraid of failure.
Afraid of judgment and isolation.
Afraid that I'm not strong enough to deal with it.
Afraid to even talk about it in this space that I've created.

Pathetic.

As much as I want this to be a fun blog, there isn't much fun now is there? Are you guys willing to bear with me? As I lay everything (almost everything) down before you. Ripping off the many masks I wear. Sealing off the many personae I assume. Wiping off that fake annoying smile which keeps creeping up my cheeks. Are you guys willing to bear witness to this? To shoulder the same burdens I do? Not that I could say or do anything to make you.

You may be wondering why I'm doing all this. I'm not too sure either.

But all I know right now, is that if I don't, these problems are gonna eat me inside out. It's gonna stop me right in my tracks and whatever progress that I've made so far will be for nothing. It's about time I set things right with myself.

This is me guys.
This is me as you are only able to see here.
This is me facing myself.




























This is the October Issue.


~ great, no backing out now ~