For the past few months I've been wrestling with a very ugly issue. Instead of confronting it, I've chose to avoid it. But I know that it's eating me inside and it's making me sick.
Have you ever been hit where it hurts you the most? I was and well, it still hurts. And what I'm left with is hatred and sadness. It sickens me. Why? Because this hatred is harbored towards a brother. My brother.
It's stupid how it all started. I didn't mean any harm but then suddenly bam! His words pierced me right where it hurts. And since that day, the wound is still bleeding. Shit. I hate this shit. I'm a total mess.
"We hate people because they are the one that expose the part of us that we hate. " - Ps Tim 19/4/2010
Yea, it hurts me when people expose my weaknesses or bring up my past failures. I hate it. I don't need you to remind me about it. I know very well where I lack and the things I did. So what if I'll never amount to the things you did? Just shut up. Cause I don't care.
But I actually do care. You think a day haven't gone by without me thinking "what if" and "I should have". I've regretted and I still do. So just back off. It's been a while since I've come so close to cursing out loud. But I won't. Not this time.
This is probably the most honest I've been with myself. sighhhh what now? Live life as it was knowing that I'm broken inside? I don't know. I'm just tried of pretending. Pretending that everything's alright. Why can't I be more vulnerable? Pride. Fear.
Hmmm not sure why, but I feel a little better now. I guess I've been keeping all this emotions and feelings bottled up inside to the point where it was suffocating me. But now, it's all out. So to whoever's here, thanks for listening/reading......ahaha now I just feel embarrassed.
I'm going back to the basics. I'm gonna use this blog the way it was purposefully created to be. An honest one.
One which is not influenced by the thoughts of others,
One which expresses my feelings truthfully,
One which does not contradict myself,
One with integrity.
I'm gonna stop crying now. God has probably collected enough tears to generate a hydropower plant.
So smile.....
cause this ad is just hilarious =)
~ 100th post ~
Have you ever been hit where it hurts you the most? I was and well, it still hurts. And what I'm left with is hatred and sadness. It sickens me. Why? Because this hatred is harbored towards a brother. My brother.
It's stupid how it all started. I didn't mean any harm but then suddenly bam! His words pierced me right where it hurts. And since that day, the wound is still bleeding. Shit. I hate this shit. I'm a total mess.
"We hate people because they are the one that expose the part of us that we hate. " - Ps Tim 19/4/2010
Yea, it hurts me when people expose my weaknesses or bring up my past failures. I hate it. I don't need you to remind me about it. I know very well where I lack and the things I did. So what if I'll never amount to the things you did? Just shut up. Cause I don't care.
But I actually do care. You think a day haven't gone by without me thinking "what if" and "I should have". I've regretted and I still do. So just back off. It's been a while since I've come so close to cursing out loud. But I won't. Not this time.
This is probably the most honest I've been with myself. sighhhh what now? Live life as it was knowing that I'm broken inside? I don't know. I'm just tried of pretending. Pretending that everything's alright. Why can't I be more vulnerable? Pride. Fear.
Hmmm not sure why, but I feel a little better now. I guess I've been keeping all this emotions and feelings bottled up inside to the point where it was suffocating me. But now, it's all out. So to whoever's here, thanks for listening/reading......ahaha now I just feel embarrassed.
I'm going back to the basics. I'm gonna use this blog the way it was purposefully created to be. An honest one.
One which is not influenced by the thoughts of others,
One which expresses my feelings truthfully,
One which does not contradict myself,
One with integrity.
I'm gonna stop crying now. God has probably collected enough tears to generate a hydropower plant.
So smile.....
cause this ad is just hilarious =)
~ 100th post ~
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